Akhmal Writes: Flawed

I loved the way he smoked his last cigarette. Breathing in his daily pleasure hanging on his lips, “to fight off the depression,” as he called it. He would puff out a cloud of smoke from his mouth to my face and I would inhale every nicotine breath of it.

I loved the way he let me touch his tender body, exploring the beauty of his white porcelain skin. I admired the way his scars delicately embedded on it. So wondrous I would trace them gently, feared of hurting him, not wanting the nightmares to be replayed in his tar black mind.

I liked how my nickname was engraved on his tattoo. Inked in black, he placed me permanently on his chest above his cocaine heart as memory of our eternal love.

Every time we met, I longed to see the way he looked at me with his pitch black eyes, as dark as night. Every time he looked at me in the eye, I could see us dancing happily in his wicked daydreams, not wanting him to blink the memory away. He would break the silence, either making funny faces or reading my mind, saying, “I know. I love you too.”

Then there were those nights when we would dance and laugh until the darkest hour, sharing thoughts and dreams as we hold on to each other’s embrace. The scent of his toxic perfume would fill the air. We would be in ecstasy. We would feel so high, up to the night sky.

I was addicted to him. I was hooked to his existence. I was overdosed of his love.

Then the tragedy happened.

He started to cough out red fumes from his last Marlboro stick. He vomited out blood diamonds from his last Crystal Head Vodka. He wanted to scream his heart out, but his lungs betrayed him.

He never looked at me the same way again. I saw in his gloomy eyes pain, longing and desperation. I could not read his eyes, thus, I thought I had failed him.

My presence could not mend his broken heart. My love could not cure the suffering he had to endure. There was nothing I could do but to look at him in poisonous agony.

“God, please end our pain,” I would pray. “Take us with You. I am not afraid to say that I would die without him. I breathe him. I need him. I would never leave him. So God, take us with you.”

He shared his last touch sweeping my tears away. He spared his last glance looking deep into me. He whispered his last words saying that he loved me.

Then he lost me, and I became lost ever since.

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  1. This is so deep! T.T
    I love and enjoy reading your post. Keep it up!

    1. Nawww.... thank you! Been a while since I wrote this.