Up Close and Personal: One of Those Nights

Have you ever had one of those nights where you just can't help thinking about life in general. First, there are those good things that have happened in your life. Your achievements, your success, good sweet memories with the familiar faces around you. But as you go deeper and deeper, the sadness kicks in. Flashbacks of unfortunate events, all the 'I should have' or 'what have I done' thoughts. Then, after some time, you start to get lost in your own thoughts. Then you cry. Not a simple cry. You cry so hard, you sob like crazy. Not because you are depressed or anything like that, but for once in a while you let your emotions take over your body and let the tears run cold.

What's worse is when you start to wish for things like "If only there's someone I can talk to right now." Someone. The thing about this wish is that this 'someone' is not just anyone, but someone who means a lot to you (who's long gone) or someone new. Someone particular that will say to you "Hey, it's ok. I'm here." Just someone. You ask yourself "Is that too much to ask for?" You long for their appearance, be it as a sudden text or call, where first thing they hear would be your hoarse voice saying hello and they reply, marking the start of a conversation of zero content. Just a random talk about random topics, yet meaningful to you. You share laughter and stories, and deep down, in your heart, you feel warm and happy because someone have actually heard you, your sadness.

So, you wait, and wait, and wait. But nothing happens. Nothing from no one. As if you're not heard. Invisible. Thus, the loneliness. Just lonely. You know that you're not alone, but you just feel so lonely it kills you. Then it goes back to thinking about life again, like a loop, an endless circle, until the time you just sleep it off, hoping that tomorrow would erase the memory of your night before, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.

This is the case for me tonight. One of those nights. Hoping, wishing, anticipating, longing. Which may result to something, or yet again, nothing.

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2 comments:

  1. Aiman, this is a good read. I literally cry inside reading it as my mind starts to wander about life as well. Hope you have found that 'someone' soon. :)

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    1. I have gone so far from that one night. I have learnt a lot. hehe... InshaAllah hopefully that one day will come

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